fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
