marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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