mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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