I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
