I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
