textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
