before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
