i need an iv and a liver transplant
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
