She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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