I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
