Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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