Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
