he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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