I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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