Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
