If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
