nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
