I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
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Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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