Don't make out with my wife yet
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
