I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
