So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
