his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
