my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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