Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
