Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
