Say something about gay babies.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
