Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
