I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
