Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
