I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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