He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
