these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
