it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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