He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
