sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
