I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
