i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
