im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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