Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
