im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We need to get me chipped asap
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
