I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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