he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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