you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize