Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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