I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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