There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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