So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
