You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
they need to just BURY HIM!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
