Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
