So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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