Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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