We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
