Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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