So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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