Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
