Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
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I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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