Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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