there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
