Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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