I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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