I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
