No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
