we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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