This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
