I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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