you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
