I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
