sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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