youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We just shotgunned beers for America
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
